Most annoying commercials as we close out 08

Saw a similar survey on another blog so I thought I would also take an opportunity to vent. I have dishnetwork so we are able to record television shows which eliminates having to watch many commercials, but they can still drive you crazy.

Here is my personal worst list---

1. Beyonce rolling around half naked in an attempt to "let me upgrade" my direct tv. An example of trying to use sex to sell anything!!

2. He went to Jareds commercials. he went to Jared's is code for "he got totally ripped off" I realize "he went to ebay" doesn't have the same ring to it, but I guarantee I could find a better deal.

3. the sham-wow commercials. First of all he has that stupid head set on, and then he makes the asinine statement that you are going to end up spending 20 dollars a month on paper towel anyway, so why not buy his product. 20 dollars a month!!! Does this guy use paper towel to dry off after a shower or what? I don't spend 20 dollars a year on paper towel. I don't need your sham-gank, I'll use a washcloth.

4. Its my money and I want it now!! I think this commercial is on a 24/7 loop in hell.

5. Leave a comment with your own most annoying commercial and we'll crown a winner:)

last minute gifts part 3

Well it's Christmas eve, and time for the final installment of the last minute gift series. I thought I might try switching it up and make this post specifically for the husband or wife you are still scrambling to shop for.

Well scramble no longer scramblers (i'm not sure why i am so enthralled with that word right now, maybe I need an omelette.)

Its a fact that most men are aggressive drivers and if your like me, you hate getting behind the super slow guy on the highway that insists on being in the left lane. You try flashing your lights, honking your horn, and some even resort to a one finger salute. (not me of course). Instead of steaming up your windows with rage, you now have an alternative that is both safe and proven affective. Its a sticker put out by leftlanedrivers.org that reminds slower cars to move over without having to honk and holler. Sounds both delightfully simple and stupid, a perfect gift combo.

Finally for the woman on your list, I have one more suggestion. Summer will be quickly upon us, and you can never go wrong husbands with a gift card here to let her know you really care:)

have a great Christmas and I hope I could help.

disclaimer---I'm honestly not against wholesome clothing nor am I for skimpy swim suits (I stopped wearing a speedo years ago) however I still find this site amusing so I had to bring it up again.

last minute gifts part 2

The deadline for gift giving is now closer. Maybe you saw the couples toilet and you either already have one, or you actually want to stay married and thought better of it. Whatever your reasons, I think I have stumbled across a gift that is a can't miss.
Do you ever have those days where nothing is going your way? Do you ever feel that no one truly appreciates who you are or what you do? Do you wish you had Tony Robbins number on speed dial so that you could be motivated to be your very best?

Well move over Tony, you've been replaced. This amazing cd will have you reaching for the sky and accomplishing things you only dreamed possible through the power of positive thinking!! I don't want to give too much away before you watch the video, but I think you will agree that this is a must for both you and a loved one.

Enjoy, and hopefully they can overnight it!!

last minute christmas gifts. part 1.

I am now at a place in my life where my therapist says it is ok to open up about the ghosts of Christmas shopping past in my life. I am not proud to say that there were a few years in my twenties, where I would be in walgreens at four a.m christmas morning, trying to find a clapper or sobakawa pillow for someone in my family. I once showed up at an extended family Christmas party with five instant lottery tickets as gifts because there was only one open gas station on the way there. ( I don't think my cousin would have been complaining if he had won 20,000 dollars right?!) Sadly, none of the tickets were winners and I was forced to attempt morphing the gifts into a lovely set of bookmarks.

Anyways, just in case some of you have been procrastinating or still holding out for the perfect gift, I will be dedicating the next few blog installments to helping you make someone's Christmas the best it can be while there is still time.

Introducing first.............The "couples" toilet. yes I did mention it briefly last year, but is it possible to over mention such a timeless gift? Maybe your wife is complaining your not spending enough time with her? I ask you, what could be more romantic than sharing this level of togetherness for the holidays? Do you hear what I hear? Let yourself imagine the sound of the Febreeze can trying to cover the early morning aroma of your combined efforts.

Trust me, your spouse won't know what to say when they unwrap this little gem. In fact, Kendra and I haven't even spoken since I surprised her with one last year. I think it's because the english language just can't supply the words to represent this kind of love, or its because she's still mad. I guess I'll never know. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving. This year should be even better!!!

Stay tuned:)

our family Christmas video

Each Christmas Kendra and I receive such beautiful cards from our friends and families. Many of them include precious photos of their children all festive in their attire and posing for the cameras. While we have been quite lax for a few years in sending out cards, (sorry about that family and friends) this year we decided to go all out! We booked a flight to Hollywood and shot our own christmas video. Janet, (Miss Jackson if your nasty) helped us with the choreography and most of the dance moves we ripped of from J.Lo.


Hope this brings you some holiday cheer,
ps. If you want to book us, we are available for parties, wedding, or barmitzpha's.
call 1888-mad-skilz for more info.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Finding Jesus

If only Mary and Joseph had been a little more tech savvy, the shepherds wouldn't have needed a star. Apparently theft and vandalism of nativity scenes is on the rise and some homeowners and churches have had enough! You can now outfit baby Jesus and the rest of the gang with a gps tracking devise so that christmas hating atheists can be hunted down and brought to swift justice!! I'm sure law enforcement in America is going to drop everything when the A.P.B. of missing baby Jesus hits the radio waves.

I can remember this irreverent behavior happening when I was a kid as well. A neighbor would put out her nativity scene and every year it would be down at least one wiseman or shepherd. I thought Jesus was being raised by a single mom for a while when somebody ran off with Joseph. This wave of crime is godless and despicable and I for one love this idea. There should be a minimum ten acts of random kindness as well as a 15-year mandatory jail sentence for first offenders. Community service should include knocking on neighborhood doors and singing yuletide carols in German.

Anyways, at least Ricky Bobby can sleep well tonight knowing that baby Jesus is safe and sound. Kendra and I have ours encased in plexiglass surrounded by an electric fence and barbwire. Not as pretty as I hoped, but I'm not taking any chances. What is wrong with a country of people that would steal Jesus? I'm not sure I want to know.

Bad Day

Just in case you thought your day was heading in a less than optimal direction, at least you can be thankful that this didn't happen to you.

Its not that I think we should use someone else's misery to feel better, I'm just saying that it can work.

Here's to a brighter day:)

changes coming

Somehow by trying to change my header and background, I jacked up my entire blog. typical of what happens when I attempt to do something on my computer without consulting professionals (aka my assistant ben). Please stay tuned as I have informed/begged him to help me in my time of need.

Ronald Mc Donald germ/playland

My beautiful wife Kendra was heading up a weekend of worship and prayer at our "captured" young woman's event on friday, so being the incredibly health conscience dad that I am, I found myself having to acquiesce to their demand that we go to Mickey D's. While I love the time that I have with just me and the girls, I am a much bigger fan of the drive thru where the germs and wrongness associated with mc d's is contained to the car. However, the girls were begging me to let them "play" (code for wallow in a cesspool of germs and stocking feet funk) so I broke down.

It started out with me in line ordering the happy meals only to look down and Addy is licking the steel counter which was at perfect mouth level for her. After insisting that she gargle hand sanitizer while we waited, we proceeded to enter the "playland". I immediately turned around and informed the girls there was no way we could eat in there. The stench of sweat and germs was making me want to go back to the front and lick the counter myself.

Anyways, amid the craziness of the other screaming, much larger children, I allowed my girls to spend about ten minutes climbing thru the tunnels and slides that I'm sure are disinfected on a nightly basis.........NOT!!!!

The pic of Addy crying is because she got scared at the top and I almost had to go up there to get her because Ava was refusing even after I tried to explain to her that daddy couldn't fit!!

I don't usually lie to my children, but when they asked if we could come back and I said yes, I knew deep down that this was a mission that perhaps their mother would take them on again someday, but i am way to much of a germaphobe to go thru that again:)