EMISSIONS

In an ailing economy, a new product has hit the market they may just revolutionize the free market and flatulence as you know it. This certainly would have made my top five Christmas gifts had I been aware of its existence. If only I could take the credit for this invention, but alas, it takes a mind much less feeble than mine to engineer something of this magnitude.

I give you "subtle butt", the disposable gas neutralizer. The easy to use pad that neutralizes the smell of your worst gas. You can share your chili from last night with the office without having to actually bring it in! I thought about keeping this all to myself (i've lost six vanity pounds since using it), but I am a compassionate person and want to extend you the same opportunities I've enjoyed.

Gone are the days of having to cough loudly in a board meeting while allowing a few gases to escape. No longer will you have to be that person on the elevator everyone knows let loose because of your blushing. Subtle butt is changing lives.

here are the directions.
1. peel off adhesive and stick subtle butt to the inside of your underwear or pants. exactly where you think it goes
2. go for it, drop bombs, let er rip, cut the cheese, make stinky
3. at the end of the day, remove subtle butt and discard. any remaining adhesive should be removed with a damp cloth.

there you have it, carbon technology at its finest. There have been no reported side affects, but I'm sure it won't be long before the lawsuits start rolling in. I can hear it now....." your honor, the fire layer in subtle butt chemically reacted with Mr. Jones emissions causing second degree burns where the sun don't shine. We demand emotional damage cash pronto"

To me, the risk is worth the reward. I think this is a big step to bringing peace to our smelly world. Hopefully I don't find out later that these fart filters leave a carbon footprint, it might cause me to lose street cred with the my "green" peeps. I've included an instructional video in case my directions were a little vague. Give me your thoughts.

Here's to a better smelling America. Now that's change we can ALL believe in.

I'm not sure bowling is for pre-schoolers

I didn't think it would be as much work as it ended up being. Ava's preschool class went on a "field trip" to the local bowling alley and since that is my "mr. mom" day, it was just me and the girls. I went into it thinking how hard could it be, we are only bowling one game. By the end, I have never been so relieved to leave the "den of germs:)"

First of all, I was pretty much involved in every bowl because both of them could barely carry the ball but insisted on trying. Addy kept throwing the ball straight down as if she planned on breaking every toe. Of course she was way to proud to let Dad help and would scream "I'm doing it!!!!" if I gave the ball a final push.

Part of the reason the game dragged on forever was because it literally took forty five seconds for some of the balls to make it down the lane. Addy's ball went so slow and bounced off the bumpers so many times, it actually hit the head pin once, but it didn't knock it down!!!! It softly bumped against it and all ten pins just sat there as if laughing at the six pound feather my daughter floated their way. None of this stopped Addy from excitedly giving me a high five EVERY time she bowled:)

finally, it wouldn't be a trip out of the house without Addy having to go potty. I begged her to hold it so we wouldn't have to go in a bowling alley, but she insisted by grabbing her crotch area and jumping. (she got that from mom:) We walk in and she instantly says, "what's that smell?" I explained to her that bowling alley bathrooms are inherently wrong, and the stench was a result of many chili dog eating bowlers before us leaving a remnant of their concession purchase. Why do children insist on touching things in the bathroom? Addy started "pretending" she was painting the walls!!!! Of course her hand was the only pretend brush available so for those of you who know me, let's just say the hand sanitizer was flowing like a river:)


I realize bowling is hugely popular and on television, but its not really a sport is it? Can anyone make a case for bowlers being athletes? I'd love to hear someone argue for it.

Dora no Mora?

I have to admit, when I first heard that Nickelodian was planning to "mature" Dora the explorer to make her appeal more to "tweens", i was pretty devastated. I thought for sure she would be made to look like a bratz doll and would be totally "sexed" up. Upon seeing the pictures of her, I must say she is not that bad. I can't speak for the content of the new show, I can only hope they don't make her boy crazy or put her in situations where she compromises morally. I was somewhat relieved that the original show will still be available because both my daughters really like her and Addy even runs around the house yelling "VAMOS"!!!!!!

I heard thru the grapevine that there is no swiper and no boots in the new show, which already makes me think.........BUNK!! I don't believe that we should make cartoon characters role models, but I do think the makers of these shows should stay consistent with what they began marketing. Point in case, Britney spears. She started out being such a "good" girl role model ( to some), and now those same ten year old girls she appealed to are watching the unfortunate "transformation" of their role model. We need to be very careful as parent what we allow our children to put before their young eyes and minds.

For those of you unaware, nickelodian is owned by the company Viacom which also owns mtv. I believe this company has a cradle to grave plan for your child where they want to rope them in with nick as kids, and then keep them hooked to mtv as young adults. I can't prove its a conspiracy, but I'm personally convinced.

Am I paranoid? what do other parents out there think?

ps. they already did this to strawberry shortcake so I included her pic as well.

day at the park!!

Last night it was still light and warm so after much asking/begging, we took the girls to the park. It was so nice to be outside and see the how much Adalyn has grown. She wasn't scared of any of the the things she was last summer. Even Kendra climbed up the rock and became queen of the mountain:)

I find it interesting that everything about Michigan weather is all about perspective. We kept remarking about how warm it was last night, but had this been a fall night in early october, we would be saying how cold its getting and we better bust out the sweaters!!

here's to many more warm days!!!!!

Just when I started feeling better!!

I swear this will be my last post for a while about our new dog. Let me start by saying how sick I was all last week. Starting wednesday until yesterday, I was battling the worst flu symptoms I've faced in my adult life. I woke up friday night utterly and entirely soaked thru with sweat. I honestly didn't know what was going on and at first thought I peed myself because I was so wet!!!! It really was disgusting, I had to shower at 3 am and cough myself to sleep on the couch.

anyways, sunday night I had the great idea of having Java sleep in Ava's room because she was complaining of being scared. When Java decided to get up and cry by the door to be let out, Ava let him out of her room, but didn't tell us. Needless to say, Java stood by the front door holding it until he had to back up the truck and explode!! Poor guy, I felt bad for him and as for the blood, I have no idea where that came from but the vet just told us to keep an eye on him.

Sorry you had to see this, but think about me at 6:30 in the morning finally feeling better and being met with this scene before breakfast on a monday!!!! (plus it had been on the door for hours so i had to scrub bigtime)

pray for us")