Yesterday, i decided to take the girls grocery shopping alone so that Kendra could run on the treadmill (the things I won't do for love). It wasn't the first time I've taken my life in my hands this way, but this trip involved not one, but multiple moments of embarrassment that can happen when you have your kids not only in public, but a walmart.
Everything was going fine until we were in an aisle with a couple and the man was missing one of his legs. His jean pant leg was hemmed up on that side and he walked with one crutch. It didn't begin too bad, my girls basically stared and declared to everyone within earshot that he was missing a leg. I concurred that indeed this was the case, but pointe out he seemed to be getting along very well with his crutch. "whats a crotch?!!!" addy yells at the top of her lungs. No, a Crutch, addy, a crUUUUtch. Then the questions started rolling of their young tongues. "How did his leg fall off dad?" It don't think it fell off honey, I bet he lost it in an accident. "how do you lose your leg daddy, can we look for it?" No honey.
As I said it wasn't that bad at this point, but we literally ran into them in EVERY AISLE!! Each time we passed them both girls would just stare at this guy with complete rubbernecks, devoid of any shame. Then the questions took a little turn for the worse.
How can he run daddy? I don't think he can run honey, lets not talk about this anymore ok? Then Ava decides to add her anatomical insight with "what if somebody lost their butt, they couldn't go potty!" Addy erupts in laughter and I'm suddenly looking for a spot next to the soupcans big enough to crawl into. I stand there frozen with fear, positive that the whole store was going to stop their shopping to point at the dad with the insensitive kids. I kept waiting for "handicapped haters aisle seven" to come over the loudspeaker.
I grabbed ava's arm and told her that we were done talking about this and it was not something to joke about. I'm not sure if the man heard them or not, but I made sure to smile and act oblivious to everything as I walked by.
No sooner had we gone two more aisles, when a rather large woman was walking toward us with her shirt riding up a little further than I'm sure she was aware, and much further than anyone wanted to see. I chalked it up as a walmart norm until Addy burst out with "daddy, look at her stomach!!!" at about the same volume Michael Buffer yells 'Lets get ready to rumble" before a prize fight. Then Ava chimes in "she walks like a penguin!!!!!!!" I am not making this up. Completely mortified, l gave them both the "eye" combined with the "what did I just say" in my grinch that stole christmas voice. Both of them gave a half hearted sorry and I made a beeline for the checkout before we ran into someone in a wheelchair or something.
They've never really done anything like this before so I was ill prepared to handle it. I had a talk with them about it when we got home, but I'm wondering if any other parents have advice on how to handle this? At least lie and tell me that your kids have done something similar so I can shake this "your a bad parent feeling." comments welcome.
When Anxiety Attacks
10 years ago
4 comments:
OMW, I'm gut-laughing right now....thanks for that today!
My mom wrote in my baby book that when I was about 4 I pointed at a woman in the aisle at a store and exclaimed, very loudly, "Look mommy that lady is so fat she's gonna have a baby real soon!"...and the woman was not pregnant.
I'm still laughing at your expense but know that time will soon come for me!! I'll be sure to call you to talk me through it. =)
hahahaha. thats horrible but sooo funny :) hahaha. I dont recall doing anyghing like that, but im told when i was like 2? i flashed some oldddddd old guy lol
Way too funny Jon,I can't stop laughing but I may be able to top that. The child shall remain nameless because I can't remember which one of the three girls did it. ( I'm sure it wasn't Brad : )I was shopping in Meijers and my child was being very obnoxious I gave the EVIL eye several times and the threats to take her to the car, etc.. When I had really had it I wagged my finger in her face to explain that we were leaving the store immediately, and she put her little arms over her head and YELLED, " Don't hit me AGAIN" Where did that come from, but needless to say Every eye in the store glared at me and I felt like the worst Mom ever. ( I think they learn this stuff on the school bus, what do you think? ) I'm glad we can all laugh about it now, Bradi's Mom
whoops! of course I meant Bradi not Brad
Post a Comment