move over fruit of the loom.

I guess traveling is getting a little more intrusive these days. Obviously in light of 9-11 and the vulnerability of people on a plane, certain security measures must be taken. Also the "christmas bombers" underwear bomb would not have been detected with our current metal scanners.

However, many people feel the extreme TSA measures taken recently are not only annoying, but degrading and a blatant violation of privacy. Apparently if you don't agree to go through a full body scanner, (many are concerned with radiation risks) there is a new groping, i mean pat down policy that becomes mandatory.

Horror stories are surfacing of private areas being grabbed in public and even a breast cancer survivor having to remove a prosthetic breast in front of other passengers.

Before I unveil my newly found solution to this dilemma, here are a few thoughts regarding these procedures.

1. I am all for safety in the air at almost any cost and to me there is no inconvenience quite like being on a plane with someone who wants to kill everyone on board. This is where "better safe than sorry" is certainly applicable in my book.

2. I'm sure the TSA workers themselves aren't exactly excited about having to "pet" the wrinkle free dockers of fat middle aged men all day long, they're just doing they're job and trying to follow the new government procedure.

3. I read a statement from a TSA exec who attempted to reassure passengers that all TSA workers have been trained to only use the back of their hand when "checking" private areas. I"m pretty sure I speak for most Americans when I say a latex gloved strangers hand across the groin is a latex gloved strangers hand across the groin, no matter how "backhanded" your training is.

So what to do if you are traveling this holiday season and are concerned with Radiation dangers from scanners, but don't want to be subjected to embarrassing "pat down" procedures?

Let me introduce you to the revolutionary, lightweight, attractively stylish and elegant radiation shielding garment brought to you by your friends at rockyflatsgear. I know it didn't work so great for Adam, but the figleaf you see on these amazing briefs are a lead free, scientifically engineered barrier to all radiation put out by the high tech scanning devices.

This is not a joke, (ok, it kind of is) but an example of the entrepreneur spirit of America and Unless you're taking the bus to Grandma's this thanksgiving, I suggest you grab a pair.

I'd let you borrow mine, but Kendra and i are going to Mexico in a few weeks and I plan on not only wearing them in the airport, but having it double as a european mansuit at the pool.

happy Travels,

david and goliath 2010 style

I stole this from a guy Bryan Allain whose blog I follow and since I love sports and humor, I thought I would share.


It’s what a modern day sports telecast of David v Goliath would sound like. Hope you enjoy.

.
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Elijah Musburger: Ladies and Gentlemen you are looking live at the Bank of Jerusalem Battlefield in South Israel where today history will be made. I’m Elijah Musburger alongside Isaac Herbstreit, happy to have you along for this historic matchup between Goliath of Gath and David of Bethlehem.

Isaac: Yeah, you’d have to be a simple Canaanite to be unaware of the storyline here. For over a month now, Phillistines Head Coach Isiah Thomas has been sending out his 6-time All-Star Goliath to battle an Israelite. The 9-foot, 6-inch giant’s continued taunting of the Israelites have earned him a record 114 personal foul penalties and a 12-battle suspension that is currently under appeal by the Phillistine Warriors Union. For more let’s send it down to our sideline reporters Jezebel Tafoya and Rahab Andrews.

Jezebel: Thanks Elijah. It was not until today that Goliath’s invitation to rumble was accepted by the unlikeliest of challengers from King Saul’s army. And if you haven’t seen David yet, well, picture a malnourished ewok shaved head to toe. For more on that story, let’s send it over to the Israelites sidelines and Rahab Andrews.

Rahab: The Babylon Sportsbooks have the over/under on this donnybrook at 10 seconds, but I don’t see it lasting that long. The youngest of 8 brothers, David the shepherd boy went undrafted coming out of Bethlehem University last Spring. Despite a slow forty time and a below-average Wonderlic score, his impressive defeats of a lion and a bear were enough to earn him a spot to fight for the Israelite army. King Saul took a chance on the young waterboy, who now finds himself facing the greatest challenge of his life. Back to you, Elijah and Isaac.

Elijah: Thanks Rahab. Before we start let’s remind everyone that today’s action is sponsored by Over Armor Sports Apparel, Promised Land Iced Tea with new ‘Milk and Honey’ flavor, and Delilah’s Supercuts, “a great haircut guaranteed or you can chain us to a temple pillar and poke our eyes out”.

Isaac: As Goliath steps onto the field of play, let’s go over the rules with our viewers. Rule Number 1 is that there are no rules. First person to kill the other person wins.

Elijah: Let’s also remind everyone what is at stake today, Isaac.

Isaac: Well Elijah, besides being able to hoist the coveted Golden Calf Trophy over their heads in victory, the winning side will also get to make slaves out of the losing team. I mean, can you imagine this in the NFL? Hard to picture Carson Palmer cleaning Tom Brady’s toilet.

Elijah: Actually I CAN picture that.

Isaac: Yeah, you know what? So can I. In any event, the stakes have never been bigger than they are today.

Elijah: Speaking of never been bigger, let’s not forget David’s initial response to hearing Goliath’s taunts of his countrymen. In a tirade that has gone viral on ThouTube this week, David referred to Goliath as an “uncircumsized Philistine”, choosing to mock the loins of the Warrior from Gath.

Isaac: Considering the size of Goliath’s sandals, that might have been a mistake.

Elijah: Indeed. But back to the action, Goliath has approached the 50-yard line and he doesn’t look particularly pleased with the diminutive size of his competition. I haven’t seen anyone this angry since the time I painted my wife’s kitchen with sheep’s blood.

Isaac: And you really have to wonder if rust will be a factor with the long layoff Goliath has had between gruesome murders. It’s been almost two years since he ripped off that remarkable streak of 61 consecutive dismemberments. He was untouchable until he lost a toe in a freak winepress accident, but he swears he’ll be competing at 100% today.

Elijah: Thanks for that history lesson, no doubt brought to us by Goliath’s Wikipedia Scroll.

Isaac: Don’t thank me, thank Alvah Gore for inventing the intercave system.

Elijah: Check this out, David is sprinting towards the 50-yard line to meet Goliath, and he’s waving around a small piece of leather that looks like, umm, an iPhone case?

Isaac: I think that’s a slingshot.

Elijah: Whatever it is, Goliath is bracing himself for what should be a quick kill and WOAH!!! David just hurled a smooth rock at Goliath that found it’s mark right between Goliath’s mangy, unkempt eyebrows! The stone appears to be lodged deep into the skull of the giant, who just collapsed to the ground like a sack of fossilized donkey excrement.

Isaac: I can’t believe what I’m seeing here! It is total bedlam in the Valley of Elah as David has toppled the mighty Phillistine. I hope you’ve got the DVR going folks, because you are witnessing history right now.

Elijah: David just mounted the Philistine giant and he’s standing triumphantly on Goliath’s chest. It looks like he just pulled a Sharpie out of his sandal and is signing his name on Goliath’s forehead. Wow, this could draw a flag for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Isaac: Yeah, he’ll be hearing from the league office this week to the tune of a 50,000 shekel fine for that display. Kids these days could learn from the old schoolers and act like they’ve felled a giant before.

Elijah: OH GREAT JEHOVAH, did you see that? David just took Goliath’s sword and cut the head off the dead giant! Now he’s holding it up and waving it around to the delight of the fans who made the trek all the way from Jerusalem to take in the action live!

Isaac: Blood is shooting from Goliath’s severed neck and showering the battlefield. This is a gruesome scene.

Elijah: David is making it rain! Pacman Jones would be proud.

Isaac: Call me Josiah Buck if you like, but like the Randy Moss fake-moon incident that will happen in a few thousand years, I find this to be completely unnecessary and a disgusting act.

Elijah: Necessary or not, it looks like David’s barbaric display has made an impression on the Philistine army. Faced with the prospect of doing David’s laundry for the rest of their lives, they’ve decided to make a run for it.

Isaac: And that is already turning out to be a bad decision with all that heavy armor they’re wearing. The Israelites – wearing their ultra-light and breathable Over Armor clothing – are chasing them down and savagely killing each and every one of them. And what’s worse, some of the fans have stormed out of their seats and have taken down the goalposts at the north end of the battlefield. This is why they should stop selling wine at halftime.

Elijah: Let’s throw it down to Rahab Andrews, who’s with a beaming David.

Rahab: David, what a win, how did you do it?

David: First I want to thank Yahweh, I couldn’t have done it without Him. You know, and all week long people were saying that we didn’t have a chance, that I was too small, and that I was a sissypants for writing poetry. I just wanted to come out here and prove everyone wrong.

Rahab: David, my gag reflex tells me that you’re holding Goliath’s bloody stump of a head only a few feet away from me. Can you tell us why you decided to chop his head off after you had already claimed the victory?

David: I don’t know, you know? I’m sure I’ll get fined for it, but I got no regrets. It was just a heat of the moment kind of thing, and sometimes I do that kind of stuff without thinking. Hi mom, hi dad, hi sheep, I love you.

Rahab: David, what happens next for you? Talk is already circulating about you starting a political career.

David: I don’t know. I just want to soak this one in. I’ve got nothing but love for Saul, and I don’t have any political aspirations right now. I just want to get this dude’s head mounted on my wall, go chill on the roof of my building and enjoy the view, restring my lyre, and maybe write some canonized poems.

Rahab: Well, there you have it: fearless warrior by day, sissypants poetry writer by night. Back to you, Elijah.

Elijah: Thanks Rahab. That’s all the time we have for today. We’ll be back next week live from Babylon as Daniel tries to defend his title at the National Lion Taming Championships. Stay tuned for your late local news, except on the West Bank where you’ll be watching an all new episode of CSI: Judea.

Phil Collins

I"ve always been a Phil collins fan. I mean who didn't sing along to groovy kind of love while saying take a look at me now as you felt it in the air tonight? And who hasn't had at least one girl that stayed on your mind named, Su su sussudio? Kendra and I played "separate lives" at our wedding for Pete's sake!!! (jk, it was love stinks=)

I was pretty shocked to see an interview with Phil where he revealed he'd been contemplating suicide for years but decided against it because of his children.
Here is a small part of the interview....

"I wouldn't blow my head off," he says. "I'd overdose or do something that didn't hurt. But I wouldn't do that to the children."

The 59-year-old Oscar and Grammy-winning solo artist has five children from three marriages.

"A comedian who committed suicide in the '60s left a note saying, 'Too many things went wrong too often,'" Collins says. "I often think about that."

"I sometimes think I'm going to write this Phil Collins character out of the story," he says. "Phil Collins will just disappear or be murdered in some hotel bedroom, and people will say, 'What happened to Phil?' And the answer will be, 'He got murdered, but, yeah, anyway, let's carry on.' That kind of thing."

Sometimes it's so easy to associate talented wealthy people with having it all together. After all, they have money, fame, and world wide recognition, what could possibly be wrong? The truth is that people are searching for something and may not even know what it is.

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken---Psalm 62:4-6

David understood something our world has not figured out. Rest, hope and salvation are found only in God. No matter what you may have accomplished in this world, everything that is not grounded in Jesus can and will be shaken. Your life amounts to very little outside of a relationship with Jesus Christ.

I pray that Phil Collins finds the hope and rest for his soul available only in King Jesus.

Don't stop there

As I mentioned, I'm meditating on what it means to put off the old man and put on the new according to Ephesians 4:22-24. If you keep reading the following verse Paul talks about not lying, but speaking truth, then he says

"let him who stole steal no longer, rather let him labor, working with his hands that he may have something to give him who has need" vs 28

I find it interesting that many times as christians, were satisfied with only the absence of bad habits or sins in our life. If we heard about someone who used to steal but now doesn't, we would all celebrate. Paul however, instructs us not to stop there. It's not enough to just not steal, you need to now go further and give. Too often we ask God to "take off" our bad habits and sins, but we rarely ask him to help us "put on" godly virtues.

I think one reason for this is that sinful habits make us feel guilty and defeated in our walk with God, but the absence of Christ like character doesn't always have the same affect and provides less motivation to make changes in our lives.

Becoming like Jesus must be the reason for everything we do, and to make it about not feeling guilty or not wanting a blow to your "spiritual pride" is wrongly motivated and will lead to frustration. Remember that the process of "putting on the new" is just as important as "taking off the old."

--don;t just stop coveting, be generous
--don't just stop being bitter, but put on extravagant forgiveness
--don't just tolerate those you consider enemies, love them
--don't just stop blowing up in anger, develop patience
--don't just stop lusting, but put on holiness in every area
--don't just show up for work, but be the best employee there
--don't just stop complaining, but start being thankful for what you have
--don't just stop putting people down, look for ways to be an encourager.

what's my part?

Lately in my devotional time, I have been meditating on Romans 12:2 as well as Eph. 4:22-26 and how they relate to what is influencing my decisions, thoughts, and choices. I am also trying to pray and determine the balance of my role and the Holy Spirits role in being able to remove the "old man" and put on the "new". Who's responsibility is it to "not be conformed to this world", but rather "have your mind renewed through transformation?" Here is some thoughts I have upon reading "joy in fearing the Lord" by Jerry Bridges.

1. Many Christians think living for Jesus is training yourself to "not sin" This is usually done in their own strength and it makes overcoming temptations and living for Jesus about their own performance and willpower. No one is righteous in themselves and we are saved by grace alone.

2. There is also the mistake of thinking that any "effort" on your part to live for Jesus is attempting to "earn" your salvation, thus depending on human effort.Our responsibility is only to sit back and "let the Lord live through you"

We do have responsibility as believers, but we also must be totally dependent on the power of God.

In the incredible book of Nehemiah, the men of Israel faced great opposition as they tried to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. When they had succeeded in rebuilding the walls to half of their height, the bible say that their enemies plotted together to come fight them and stir up trouble among them.

Here is the response in Neh. 4:8-9 "but we prayed to our God and posted a guard day and night to meet this threat"

Notice how they prayed AND posted a guard. There is a temptation to handle this one of two ways. One church camp would go the "spiritual" route and call an all night prayer meeting. They would consider posting a guard to be relying on your own strength and not God's ability to deliver.

The other camp would execute an incredible military strategy by deploying guards on every pivotal spot on the wall, but would be too busy to pray. "What do you mean have a prayer meeting, we have important posts to guard!!"

I believe we must do both. In the new testament Paul told the Church in Philippi, "I have learned to be content in every situation" (phil.4:11) He didn't just turn it all over to the Lord and hope his heart would become content, he realized he had to "learn" this response which would require a measure of spiritual maturity and growth on his part.

Yes we are called to "work out" our salvation, but to do so in absolute surrender and in reliance upon God enabling us to do the work. What God has done thru Jesus does not make our effort to now live for Him unnecessary, but rather it is the only thing that can make it effective.

2 Peter 3:18--"grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ"

I realize there are instances where God miraculously intervenes with no human effort at all (2 Chronicles 20 has an awesome example of this) but I believe it is the exception and not the rule and we are responsible for now "putting on" this new man available to us because of the work of Christ.


What are your thoughts?

top ten worst halloween handouts

I remember as a kid, there were a few houses known for putting the ween in halloween. (I have no idea what that means, but it's supposed to be good.) It was the house that every t and t er (you catchin my oct. 31 lingo here?) got super pumped about because you knew that the goodies were gonna be flowin like the salmon of capistrano.

Then there were the other dreaded houses that although they had the light on, you knew that they were notorious for BUNK treats that scared children far worse than any werewolf or vampire.

Here is my own personal top ten list of worst halloween handouts.

10. cleveland cavaliers Lebron James jersey's---Yes I realize you can't eat these, but I had to throw it in their anyway. Probably because they are the most useless item on the planet right now and the only way to even give them away would be to sneak them in the unsuspecting bucket of a defenseless child.

9. dum dum suckers.---what is this, the bank? dum dums are the saddest excuse for suckers and look like someone spent two hours licking a real sucker, and then wrapped it back up. They shouldn't even be classified as loli-pops and I can only imagine the crestfallen face of tricker treaters as you smile and pretend that you actually gave them real candy.

8. a penny---seriously, we had a lady (big red house on wa****lsh street) who handed out pennies. I realize they are technically legal tender for all debts private or public, but at least take into account inflation and bump it up every year. I can't even buy a dum dum for a penny.

7. little star mint thingies-----You know what i'm talking about right? Those red and white star mints wrapped in plastic that look like they belong in a mens room urinal? Newsflash--no tricker treater is worried about their breath and nobody wants you or loves you red and white mint. You are worthless and now that I think about it, you may actually belong lower on this list than dum dums.


6. apples--yes this sort of tragedy does happen. Am I also the only one who heard the same story every year about some kid who got an apple on halloween, cut it down the middle and smoke/mist/poison leaked out? It was like a modern day sleeping beauty. I could barely eat apple pie without lifting the crust up after that. Here's a halloween hint, don't hand out fruit, of any kind. Anytime I got an apple it hit the road before the next house.

5. mystery round candy wrapped in that all orange wrapper----I think they were meant to taste like peanut butter, but they were more like chewy turds.

4. mystery candy wrapped in that all black wrapper.---This is the evil brother of the orange wrapper candy and way more sinister. It made the orange turd candy taste like a king size snickers. I think the main ingredient was cod liver oil and I would throw them away before they got in the wrong hands and someone used them to cast an evil spell or something.

3. smarties--possibly the worst candy every. Whoever named them smarties should have licked more dum dums. Half the time they would open themselves or split down the middle and spill all over anyway. My daughter is a sugarholic and even she thinks smarties are terrible.

2. toothpaste, toothbrushes, or dental floss---come on people. It's candy night, not push your cavity creep agenda night. If you want to opt out, its cool, just turn your light off and no one will judge you. Being a halloween hater is unacceptable.

1. Anything homemade---This is up there with handing out pecans or walnuts you gathered from your lawn. That popcorn ball my have been made by your sweet grandmother, or maybe Freddy Krueger. No child should take that risk. Instant trash status.


Did I miss any? Aren't you glad you didn't grow up in my neighborhood? =)

bullying

I have a confession to make.........I was a bully in grade school. oh yea, and maybe a tinnnnnny bit in middle school too. I was huge into professional "wrestling" and because I was bigger than most kids I felt obligated to try to put them in a sleeper hold or perfect my figure four leg lock on them. It was really more in the spirit of "playing" with friends than hard core hateful bullying for the sake of being mean, but I'm sure there were some times it got out of hand.

I ran across this article about a school in ohio that has had four suicides allegedly in response to bullying. (I say allegedly because as much as I hate bullying and believe it could easily lead to suicide, you never know if there are other factors like untreated depression or family history that could also play a part) The story of brutal attacks endured by a young girl whose family moved here from Croatia literally made me cry. I've included an excerpt from an ap article about the incident here........

"Sladjana Vidovic, whose family had moved to northeast Ohio from Bosnia when she was a little girl, was pretty, vivacious and charming. She loved to dance. She would turn on the stereo and drag her father out of his chair, dance him in circles around the living room.

“Nonstop smile. Nonstop music,” says her father, Dragan, who speaks only a little English.

At school, life was very different. She was ridiculed for her thick accent. Classmates tossed insults like “Slutty Jana” or “Slut-Jana-Vagina.” A boy pushed her down the stairs. A girl smacked her in the face with a water bottle.

Phone callers in the dead of night would tell her to go back to Croatia, that she’d be dead in the morning, that they’d find her after school, says Suzana Vidovic.

“Sladjana did stand up for herself, but toward the end she just kind of stopped,” says her best friend, Jelena Jandric. “Because she couldn’t handle it. She didn’t have enough strength.”

Vidovic’s parents say they begged the school to intervene many times. They say the school promised to take care of her............

Sladjana Vidovic’s body lay in an open casket, dressed in the sparkly pink dress she had planned to wear to the prom. Days earlier, she had tied one end of a rope around her neck and the other around a bed post before jumping out her bedroom window.

The 16-year-old’s last words, scribbled in English and her native Croatian, told of her daily torment at Mentor High School, where students mocked her accent, taunted her with insults like “Slutty Jana” and threw food at her.

It was the fourth time in little more than two years that a bullied high school student in this small Cleveland suburb on Lake Erie died at his or her own hand — three suicides, one overdose of antidepressants. One was bullied for being gay, another for having a learning disability, another for being a boy who happened to like wearing pink.

Now two families — including the Vidovics — are suing the school district, claiming their children were bullied to death and the school did nothing to stop it.

If there has been soul-searching among the bullies in Mentor — a pleasant beachfront community that was voted one of the “100 Best Places to Live” by CNN and Money magazine this year — Sladjana’s family saw too little of it at her wake in October 2008.

Suzana Vidovic found her sister’s body hanging over the front lawn. The family watched, she said, as the girls who had tormented Sladjana for months walked up to the casket — and laughed.

“They were laughing at the way she looked,” Suzana says, crying. “Even though she died.”---------


Has human life really been so devalued that people could seriously laugh at a young person who took her own life? Has "the love of many grown cold" to this level?

My opinion is that extreme cases like this are not merely a symptom of kids being kids, but a reflection of the moral decay of our society.

Here is my two cents,

Cent # 1. Although bullying has always existed, the ability to engage in character assassination using things like social networks and websites designed specifically to attack individuals, lets the torment continue 24/7 and also allows for a level of anonymity.

cent #2---I can't help but believe that we are creating an environment in our culture where this is becoming acceptable. we have turned public humiliation into entertainment and kids watch HOURS of programming (even on "family friendly" channels" where they are schooled in how to be cruel and rude under the guise of family entertainment.

I'm not trying to be anti technology and I'm not saying we can raise kids in a bubble, but I pray by the grace of God that a generation of Jesus Followers is raised up who will recognize this for the evil that it is, and let Philippians 2:3-4 be their standard!!!

Do you think bullying is worse now than when you were young or am I way off here? I'd love to hear your thoughts or bully stories.